Archive | November, 2008
The Tattlesnake – Post-It Notes From the Underground Edition
Riff, Raff and Other Chaff
“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”
– Samuel Goldwyn
Worried about Obama’s experience as a leader? He just ran an organization for two years that had outlets in all fifty states, took in over $600 million dollars, and successfully completed its goal, against long odds. Compare his performance to the overpaid touts on Wall Street and the dunderheads of the Big Three US auto corporations, begging for bailouts.
Latest Hot Under-the-Door Rumor: Word is, Al Gore is topping Obama’s list of nominees for the next Supreme Court vacancy. This means Big Al could be there every day, within spitting distance of three of the five justices who denied him the presidency in 2000. (Does the irony never stop?) Also supposedly on the short list: University of Chicago Professor Cass Sunstein, US District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor, Georgia SC Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears, fired Bush prosecutor David Iglesias, and Scooter Libby prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald.
Speaking of the ‘high’ court, 88-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens is alleged to be aching to retire, as is Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 75, who is in poor health. Antonin Scalia is getting up there at 72, and has no intention of quitting, but his health is said to be questionable. Anthony Kennedy is also 72, but in better shape than Scalia. Obama could name as many as four new SC justices during his term.
MSNBC’s loudmouthed sometime-neocon ‘Morning’ Joe Scarborough has been consistently offending his colleagues, his viewers and his bosses. Plus his ratings are soaking in bilgewater. The ‘Countdown’ is on – how long until NBC management buys out Joe’s contract and packs him on his way? (Stephanie Miller and other able portside replacements wait in the wings.)
Speaking of MSNBC, looks like Chris ‘Tweety Bird’ Matthews is going to bring his Hardballs to Pennsylvania, challenging ancient GOP vampire Arlen ‘Single Silver Bullet’ Specter for his Senate seat in 2010. Although Matthews publicly denies he’s a candidate, it’s said he’s been in close contact in with some of Obama’s team about making the run. I can see the bumper stickers now, “Screamer for Senate 2010.” (Perhaps Chris divined that his career as a TV talker is coming to a close.) So, when is Pat Buchanan tossing his spiked helmet in the ring to become Lord High Chancellor of Germantown, and when will Tucker Carlson be running for Dog Catcher – excuse me, Chief Executive Canine Control Consultant — of Park Avenue?
Don’t waste your time on D.L. Hughley’s Saturday show on CNN, “D.L. Hughley Breaks the News.” The man’s a stand-up comic and good in his element, but this ain’t it. Hughley does his best, but he’s trying to coax laughs and knowing nods out of an audience of what appears to be mostly white undertakers who’ve huffed too much formaldehyde. (I think they pine for the cozy family jokes of Cosby’s Dr. Huxtable.) Well, it’s CNN, after all, where Lou Dobbs is just short of donning Napoleon’s bicorn hat and proclaiming himself Emperor of El Norte; Prince of Mars Dan Senor’s wife Campbell Brown has a job; Larry King calls the likes of Suze ‘Invest in Your 401K!’ Orman a ‘financial expert,’ and they have the odd notion that Sanjay Gupta is a real doctor rather than a Bollywood wannabe. (Say, CNN, Dennis the Miller’s looking for TV work…)
Comedy Central, after all of its head-butting with popular star Dave Chapelle, may have a chance to resolve the conflict – Chapelle supposedly wants to do a political satire show, a combination of Bill Maher’s Reel Time and The Daily Show, but less ‘safe.’ Fewer skits, lots of bleeped talk, and a panel of guests, handpicked by Dave. Will CC go for it, especially with David Allan Grier’s “Chocolate News” already in progress?
Well, it’s three days after Thanksgiving and Hillary Clinton has still not been named as Obama’s Secretary of State. I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
Post a comment...Inspection- The Dangerous Dynamic
by Ken Carman on Sat, Nov 29, 2008
American Indians, Puritans who feared starvation, shared resources in what one side referred to as “The New World,” the other by many names… but to them it was very old, going back so many generations we only have good guesses as to how it was first discovered by humans.
Now, not that much more than 400 years later, the dishes have hopefully been washed and put back, the turkey is waiting for fattened bellies to dip a bit to be carved some more, it’s time to pause and reconsider a few things…
A while ago I joined a discussion over at Volconvo.com called, “So, when will it be OK to mock Obama?”
Here was my initial response…
“Yeah, I complained about some of this early in the election. Things said, obviously not racist, were tormented and tortured syntax-wise until they were considered such… mocking was verboten or intentionally interpreted to be something it was not… Some of the most serious followers seemed to have a giant chip just waiting to tip over on their shoulders, their heads, even their little toes…”
“But let’s be fair. Much of the Bush II years were spent with any criticism or mocking considered “Bush bashing,” or only something only al Qaeda sympathizing traitors would do. If I had to point a finger at who started this current trend; it would probably be right back at some of those… who… (complained the most) …during the past eight years.”
“So, though I am concerned that our political landscape seems to continue to be bullsh… dozed in this manner, I also would pull out the world’s tiniest violin for many of those whining about it, that also helped to encourage it… But they don’t make them that damn small.”
Maybe you agree.
Maybe you don’t.
But I’m just using that more specific comment here to make the following general observation…
“We have gotten to the point in society where our partisanship is so important we are unable or unwilling to accept humor, opinions and questions that don’t confirm our preconceived notions. We are so determined to be this way we willingly take whatever has been said or done and assign both motives and meaning that either isn’t there, or we’d have to be inside the other’s head to really…(understand)”
Here is another observation: this is very close to the same dynamic of the racist… so willing to see a speck in the eye of those he hates, and ignore the 100 foot steel girder sticking out of his.
The racist observes, or thinks he observes, behavior he doesn’t like. Hence: all, or most of “those people” behave like that.
Does he sincerely question his initial observation?
…the motives he assigns?
….the meaning behind it all, the reasons “why?”
Are you kidding?
In the same manner, the skewed partisan observes, or thinks he observes, behavior he doesn’t like. Hence: all, or most, of “those people” behave like that. Their intent is “evil,” or “stupid,” or “ignorant.”
Question his initial observation, the motives he assigns, the meaning behind it all, the reason “why?”
Ha! Now you really have to be kidding.
This edition if Inspection started to dribble down from my mind; “head…ing” (pun intended) to this computer screen I’m typing my words into, a long time ago: probably in my first High School where you had to hate the other team. Hitting other fans, throwing things… well, they’re less human: inferior, so why not? One didn’t dare question such doctrines amongst fellow classmates. While I was never beaten up over my rather sardonic observations regarding this, I came close. Threats; including in front of teachers who said nothing about such behavior, were plentiful.
Regular readers at my longest digital home for Inspection, Liberaltopia, are probably laughing and repeating a phrase I have typed many times, “Things don’t change much, do they (Ken)?”
There’s no reason why they can’t change. My mother was close to a Fundamentalist, my Father a heretic. We lived next to our good friends the Setzers. Mr. Setzer was fairly liberal. My father was a conservative. They even ran against each other for public office. Yet everyday Bill Carman and Gene Setzer would ride the hideous, dangerous; bumper to bumper at 60 mph, 20 mile commute into nearby NYC, talking and teasing each other; as only friends could do. As my friend Dell said to me recently,
“Your father knew just how to get under my father’s skin.”
Jay Ward; creator of Bullwinkle, and his fellow creators; Alex Anderson and Bill Scott were quite the trio. Ward was quite conservative. The other two: one liberal, the other; somewhere between. In today’s dynamic I doubt they would have ever joined forces to seed the imaginations of children with a more creative and intellectual approach to scripting. Still, in the world of cartoon-dom… (Or I suppose “cartoon-’dumb’” if you include the far less intellectual, to quite un-intellectual musings of the likes toon houses like Hanna Barbera.) …they were known to huddle close and crack each other up with their own scripting ideas.
What has happened to us? Well partisans and media types learned that the more hatred and animosity is stoked; the more they paint those who disagree as satanic cartoon like caricatures: the more papers they sell, the better their Arbitron ratings and the more mindless drones they get who are willing to do anything for their cause.
Their power; far more insidious and pervasive than any single printing press, radio wave or TV station, has been bought out, consolidated and melted like rancid butter all over the country; even the world. We are truly nasty tasting “toast,” if I am to continue my somewhat poor metaphor.
It’s evil.
And nothing else but “evil.”
From the first President Adams who put a bar patron in prison until Jefferson freed him after his inauguration for calling Adams “toothless,” to a most Uncivil War that has echoed unto the election of 2008, to Vietnam, I’m not even going to begin to pretend this is all “new.” Puritans; some who shared Thanksgiving with one tribe of Indians, brutally slaughtered another competing tribe including… all the women… all the children: everyone. When their friends in the other tribe complained they simply did what extreme partisans everywhere, called them the current term for “pansy,” and then had nothing more to do with them. True “thanks” for eagerly sharing the first Thanksgiving and helping them hold back starvation in “The New World.”
Karl Rove would be proud, the one of the many intellectual great grandchildren of these slash and burn forefathers.
The difference between now and then is, it seems, this take no prisoners attitude has rippled down from the highest realms of our government and been institutionalized nationwide: more than a select group of White immigrants to a very unwhite land. Much has been laid at the doorstep of our president elect and a bar raised stupidly low, I fear, is already impossibly high. Despite my own doubts, I worry… yet applaud, his insistence on including those his own base has problems with.
Will they all respond in kind, or become what Joe Lieberman has been since he was also offered a prime position for being the opposite of supportive? The history of such peace offerings, so far, had been nothing one can define with the modifier “kind.” Much of this depends upon the media, and this dangerous dynamic has become institutionalized by hordes of partisans who started flooding Communications schools shortly after I graduated in the mid-70s, according to my profs, and the ever more consolidated media corporate interests who have profited from it.
So let’s go back to the first Thanksgiving and ask what we should have done, rather than slaughter those not on “our side.” These are things you can do personally: attitudes to take, that just might move us ever so slightly away from this dangerous dynamic. Every little bit helps.
A few rules to live by that would ease things a bit…
1. No one ever has to be anyone’s, or any party’s/any movement’s cheerleader. Ever.
2.You could always be wrong. Always. Doesn’t matter the topic. If you don’t get this then you’ve already checked your humanity at the door. A dog has more common sense.
3. Being right doesn’t make you the better person. You’re probably just lucky. We all have our own personal demons quite eager to misguide us. Everyone. No exceptions.
4. Everything changes. Everything. So even if you are right at this moment, maybe not during the next.
5. We are like those proverbial blind wise man. Each of us has a piece of the elephant in their hands, but probably will never be able to see even a part of the whole without talking with others who have a different part: a different perspective.
6. Maybe you and God, Allah, (fill in other deity here), Science or rationality totally agree. More likely… not. No matter how damn smart you think you are there’s a better than 99.99999999% chance you have got it wrong at least a little.
7. What you believe, you have every right to believe. You have no right to force it on others, lecture them and they have every right to disagree and be respected too.
Hope that helps. Maybe it won’t. But hey, it was worth a try. And I also hope you had a great Thanksgiving: no matter what you believe.
-30-
Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
The Tattlesnake – What We Have to Be Thankful For Edition
by RS Janes on Thu, Nov 27, 2008
Aside from our personal and family connections, America has much to be thankful for on this fourth Thursday in November:
1. The Bush Boy will soon be gone. Regardless of all of the dismal forecasts of martial law and suspended elections (and accepting that he still has 54 days left for this kind of mischief), the Reign of Error is nearly over and, as a parting gift, Our Worst President Ever has ruined the neocon movement as a political force; proven Milton Friedman’s untrammeled free trade and Arthur Laffer’s supply-side ‘Trickle Down’ economic theories a bitter joke by implementation; soured the majority of America on the right-wing agenda; lessened the political influence of the Christopublicans; eliminated the chance of any future spawn of the Bush family holding national office for a generation, and nearly destroyed the Republican Party to boot.
2. President Barack Obama – if he does nothing else, just by dint of his election he has changed the way the world sees us, and the way we see ourselves. And it will be refreshing to have a president that we can be proud of for a change, and one who can even complete a full sentence in grammatical English.
3. Big Media influence is waning as ‘Citizen Journalists’ on the Inner Tubes present opinions not found in the corporately-owned mass media. Americans now read more of the foreign press online than ever before, meaning we are gradually becoming less parochial and xenophobic in our knowledge of the world.
4. The GOP might actually nominate Sarah Palin as its presidential nominee in 2012, thereby guaranteeing its decline into a regional, mostly southern, party sure to lose national elections for generations to come. Even short of that, the GOP will be wandering in the wilderness – they have to either go left, and lose part of their base, or stay to the same course and swallow defeat.
5. Karl Rove and his minions are finished as a force in politics, and Rove himself is likely to face indictments up the ying-yang after January 20th. He may be frog-marched in handcuffs yet.
6. Word is, hundreds of federal employees, silenced by fear or fiat during the reign of BushCo, will be blowing the whistle following Obama’s inauguration. Can investigations, indictments and convictions be far behind?
7. Science and the rule of law will be respected once again by our government, and decisions will be made by a president who uses his brain for the job rather than his gut.
This was just a quick list; add your own reasons to be thankful, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Post a comment...Ye Olde Scribe Presents: His Thanksgiving Culinary Secret
by Ye Olde Scribe on Wed, Nov 26, 2008
Still wondering how to best give your family and relatives the bird? Yes! It REALLY IS TRUE. YOS, the family chef, tried a variation on this a few years back and… YUM! …it works well. Like Junior “worked…” for eight, long, hideous, nightmarish years. So grab ahold of your personal giblets… WOAH! Not THAT hard, Bucko! OK, now that you’ve stopped moaning in pain; or pleasure: depending on how kinky you are, be prepared for a tasty treat of the likes you’ve never, ever had since Momsie cooked pig’s liver in 50 weight; 100,000 mile worth of over used Pennzoil.
A Recipe for Dirty Diaper Turkey
Pull turkey out of freezer and put in sink. Forget you did pull it out for more than a day. Still doesn’t smell funny enough? Well, you’re almost there. Be patient. You’re right on track for Scribe’s delicious dirty diaper turkey!
Put in oven, after filling cavities with all kinds of dated sausages, dressing and bell peppers you thought were green but actually were red. Time to get out that very, very old and squishy brown onion you forgot to toss. Chop with used shovel, preferable right after using it for spreading fertilizer. Use liberal doses of sage that your greater than “great” Grandmama Noah passed down to you from the Ark. (What was Noah’s first name, anyway, “Somethingudon’t?” Was his last name, “Nothing?” His full name “Isomewhat” Noah?)
Go to the bathroom. Do NOT wash hands. Ewe! What was that you ate last night?
Do not rinse or wash anything. It’s all about extra flavor people!
Inject turkey with all kinds of savory fluids, preferable of the finest: oldest, vintage.
Raise oven temp to a little below 100; no more than 110, because you want turkey to be “slow roasted.” Leave it in there about a day.
Take turkey out and uncover. Smell that delicious aroma? Wait. Ewe. OK, can’t be THAT bad. Must be some other kind of “fine” aroma. Take a slight taste while standing over turkey. See? Now you’ve added a cream sauce! Feel better yet?
Oh, that’s right. Needs more cream sauce!
After adding that; once you can stand again, cover turkey so smell is a little less toxic. A well insulated bullet proof vest and then a heavy plastic bag will so the trick! Sort of. Maybe not. While you produce more cream sauce… now with more “tomato…” go offer it to the dog.
Poor puppy. Maybe if the dog catcher doesn’t snag him he’ll find a new home. Never knew a 12 year old dog could run that fast, did you? Don’t bother with the cat. He’s already provided you with a few extra body portals the last time you tried to include him in the previous stupid thing you did. Besides, he’s suddenly decided he likes the dog. Run Spot, run! Bye, Kittikins. Oh, well, you never were very good with… pussy… anyway.
Take turkey out back and, while holding your breath, dump it on the ground. Run before odor catches up with you.
Ah, that’s the great thing about the human brain. If you hold your own breath too long and pass out it starts to breath for you! Hope that scar heals and that broken off chunk of cement step won’t make the mailman slip. He’s got a REALLY good lawyer.
The next day pick up the dead raccoons surrounding the dug up turkey and dig a hole big enough for all. Bury at least four feet deep.
Next day, pick up the dead worms, skunks, groundhogs and possums who dug it back up. Notice the lack of wild life in your yard? Solid proof that some animals are smarter than man! (But few are smarter than a smartass wo-man.) Dig hole wider and deeper.
Time to go to Lowes.
Shovel turkey into hole. Try to add more cream sauce. Dispenser empty? Gee, you haven’t eaten for days. Hey! Less weight as you go into Christmas! Mix cement and pour. Stand over as it hardens so the animal protection league won’t discover what you’ve done and make the cops stick your boney ass in jail. After they smell that you know they will. But, on the bright side, as they arrest you, it might mean a lot of extra cream sauce.
Now you’re all set. That’s right, QUITE set. You were standing in the cement idiot. Well, if you manage to break free, this Christmas, stay tuned for Scribe’s next yummy recipe…
Gangrene Goose with Rotted Tomatoes.
The Tale of Two Presidents
by DJ Allyn on Wed, Nov 26, 2008
The Right-wing has been complaining about Obama acting like the Acting President. FAUX News points out that while Obama stands behind a podium with a sign, “The Office of the President Elect”, he has absolutely no authority as a president.
In case the Right hasn’t noticed, the current president has been phoning it it since the election.
If it weren’t for Obama talking about it, there wouldn’t be ANY president talking. Not that it would matter much, Bush can’t open his yap without causing a crash on the markets. Nobody wants to hear anything he has to say.
Obama, on the other hand, is going to be taking actual control in fifty-something days, and he realizes that in order to make things easier the day he is sworn in, he needs to be communicating his actions and intents now. He is putting together a powerhouse of a team and he wants us to know it. More importantly, he wants the banks and the market to know it also.
Although the new sheriff in town doesn’t have a badge yet, he is doing much more to try and stabalize things right now than anyone in the Bush administration.
I realized the other day when Bush talked about assisting in making an easy transition, there was something in his phrase that bothered me. I just couldn’t put my finger on it until yesterday. Bush said that he would inform Obama of any actions that needed to be taken on the economic front.
Inform, not consult, or ask for input. Inform.
Bush is still bent on his bull-headed ways even though he has 55 days left in charge. It is obvious to everyone that Bush is not to be trusted with anything more complicated than his bicycle, yet he is going to deliberately do everything he can to NOT work with Obama.
So yeah, while there cannot be two presidents at once, the only one that matters at this point is the one making all the decisions — to be implemented the day he is sworn in. The other one might as well go back on vacation 55 days early. If we need him, we will call him.
But I wouldn’t bother waiting around the telephone.
Post a comment...Imagine that…..
by Grouchy on Wed, Nov 26, 2008
Now that Obama has been elected you can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a reformed racist!
I hear all the time about “well….I voted fer that colored boy, but I was fraid to say so….”.
Funny but the returns say Kentucky was pure red for MCCain. However a little closer examanation shows that the very eastern part of Kentucky where i am voted for Obama! He actually carried this redneck enclave! McCain got just 8% here…
I guess there is hope for us after all….now if people would just pass a law saying its not a bad thing to marry a family member…(after all, who want’s a stranger at the dinner table?)
Happy Thanksgiving evevrybody.
The Tattlesnake — You Might Be a Neocon If… 2008 Update Edition
by RS Janes on Tue, Nov 25, 2008
With a hat tip to Jeff Foxworthy, it’s time to play:
You Might Be a Neocon If…
… you believe any of the following: Barack Obama is (a) a socialist; (b) a Muslim; (c) the illegitimate son of Malcolm X; (d) the illegitimate son of Uncle Ben.
… you think Obama was a domestic terrorist who helped Bill Ayers plant bombs in the Pentagon; that he doesn’t have a legal birth certificate proving he’s an American citizen; and that his middle name indicates anything more than sheer coincidence.
… You believe President Obama’s first act will be to make the ‘nation’ of Africa our 51st state and send every resident a free Cadillac.
… you heard Obama was born in Hawaii in 1961 and don’t think it was a state then, thereby making it illegal for him to be president, but are too lazy to look it up before you forward the email.
… you believe Sarah Palin is really intelligent and informed and that the reason most of America thinks otherwise is due to the liberal media and their evil ‘gotcha’ questions.
… you think an unwed teenage girl’s pregnancy is a sign of the moral failings of permissive secular parents and liberalism in general, except for 17-year-old Bristol Palin.
… you believe Sarah Palin is (a) a real feminist; (b) a true populist; (c) a ‘good ole gal just like me!’; (d) winking at you seductively through the TV.
… you think it was fine for the Big Media to criticize every detail of Hillary Clinton’s campaign and excoriate her for her laugh, her clothes, her personal taste, or minor mistakes, yet Katie Couric asking Sarah Palin to name what newspapers and magazines she reads ‘every day’ is an outrageous and out of bounds ‘gotcha’ question.
… you thought John Kerry’s record of military heroism didn’t entitle him to be president, but John McCain’s did.
… you believe that, despite everything, this remains a ‘center-right’ nation.
… you think any of the following windbags are still politically relevant: (a) Rush Limbaugh; (b) Bill O’Reilly; (c) Sean Hannity; (d) Michael Savage; (e) Glenn Beck; (f) John McCain’s brother Joe.
… you actually believe that Big Media corporations are owned by flaming liberals, except Fox News.
… you think Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch is ‘too liberal’ because he once held a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton and employs Alan Colmes.
… you believe any of the following are real-live conservative intellectuals: (a) Bill Kristol; (b) Pat Buchanan; (c) Dinesh D’Souza; (d) Joe the Plumber.
… you think prayer in school is more important than a good education in school.
… you believe that courts should not ‘make law’ but go by a strict interpretation of the Constitution, except in the case of Bush v. Gore, Terry Schiavo, and keeping those designated as ‘terrorists’ by the president in prison without due process.
… you think Swift Boater Jerome Corsi is a great investigative journalist.
… you think Michael Moore is a communist dedicated to overthrowing the country’s health care system and forcing you to go to a government doctor for free.
… you’ve never read anything by Karl Marx other than a quote or two, yet consider yourself an expert on what is Marxist.
… you believe liberals and/or Democrats are all (a) atheists (b) liars (c) commies (d) America-haters (e) arugula eaters (f) always sitting around trying to think up ways to take away your guns.
… you think anyone who disagrees with you is unpatriotic, even if it’s an old woman in a wheelchair yelling at you for parking in the Handicapped space.
… you think Handicapped parking spaces are liberal commie plots to take away our freedoms.
… you believe wearing a flag pin is more important than living up to the Constitutional law of the land.
… you think the Constitution was signed by men who were all devout Christians and the nation was founded with a Christian rather than secular government.
… you’ve ever rendered a strong opinion on any book, magazine article, website, film, TV show or play you’ve never actually read or seen.
… you think waterboarding is no different than a fraternity prank.
… you think there was actually a War on Christmas outside of Bill O’Reilly’s head.
… you think any government program that helps ordinary people is horrible socialism, but when our tax money is spent to pay contractors for shoddy work and overcharges, that’s free market capitalism at work.
… you think questions surrounding the events of 9/11 are ridiculous, but firmly believe that the Clintons had something to do with the death of Vince Foster and should be subject to further investigation.
… you think Bush ignoring the August 6, 2001 CIA brief entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in United States” was understandable, since he was on vacation, but are convinced that 9/11 happened because Bill Clinton ignored Al-Qaeda during his presidency.
… you think Osama bin Laden is a lying terrorist sack of crap, yet was telling the truth when said he wanted John Kerry as president in 2004, right before Election Day.
… you still believe Bush and Cheney are moral men with your best interests at heart.
… you don’t want to pay a dime for national health care, yet expect a taxpayer-funded emergency room to treat you immediately after you’ve had an accident.
.. you still think Bush is right even when he’s proven wrong, again and again.
… you think every problem America has can be traced to liberals and/or Democrats.
… you’ve ever called anyone a ‘pinko’ or ‘commie,’ especially someone who demonstrably isn’t either.
…you don’t know the difference between socialism and communism and you don’t really care either.
… you think a) Saddam Hussein had WMD and hid them somewhere outside of the country right before the US invaded, or b) you think we found WMD in Iraq.
… you think former CIA covert agent Valerie Plame ‘deserved’ to be outed because her husband is a ‘traitor’ who revealed the truth about Bush’s phony claims that Iraq tried to buy Niger uranium.
… you think junkies should spend long sentences in jail but Rush Limbaugh should be forgiven for his human frailty.
… you think Ann Coulter is hilariously funny.
… you think talk show blabber Dennis Prager is either a religious expert, conservative intellectual, political philosopher, entirely sane, or all four.
– you are a Christian who experiences temporary blindness whenever you read the Sermon on the Mount.
… you think every word in the Bible was written by God in English, even the letters to the Greeks by Paul.
… you are waiting for Armageddon and believe you will be taken up into heaven during ‘The Rapture,’ even though you lie to your customers, sell products that are made by slave labor overseas, or own a private mercenary company that murders people in other countries.
… you think individual people need strong laws and strict enforcement to keep them in line, but corporations should be able to make their own rules without government interference.
… you think no-bid contracts are a smart way for the government to do business.
… you think Richard Nixon was brought down by the ‘liberal media.’
… you think ‘habeas corpus’ has something to do with hamsters, so what’s the big deal?
… you hate the theory of evolution even though you’ve never read it. You also hate Charles Darwin without knowing anything about him, and point him out as the perfect example of a ‘know-nothing’ American liberal. (He was actually British.)
… you’ve ever read a rant by Michelle Malkin without laughing out loud at its sheer rancorous stupidity.
… you think Charles Krauthammer is sane.
… you still think Karl Rove is a great man.
… you believe might makes right since the Surge is working and the Afghanis just love us.
.. you watch “24″ and believe if we only had a guy like the fictional Jack Bauer in charge of our intelligence operations, we could lick the terrorists in a month or two.
… you are a self-hating closeted gay male Republican politician.
The Tattlesnake – The Senate’s Teddy Bear Picnic and Other Maddening Madness Edition
by RS Janes on Sun, Nov 23, 2008
“I don’t have a rearview mirror. I look only forward. And I still see the day when I can remove the cloud that currently surrounds me.”
– Disgraced and defeated Sen. Ted Stevens (R-VECO), on the Senate floor, Nov. 20, 2008. (Perhaps he can bribe it to go away.)
Even in politics, a business known for honking weirdoes and depraved lowlifes, outgoing Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens is Weird with a strut and horns and as crooked as a pig’s tail. Yet there were his Senate colleagues standing and applauding the convicted-on-seven-counts-of-corruption felon last Thursday, proving, I guess, that there is some honor among thieves — or, at least, praise. No wonder the Senate Ethics Office is a toothless farce – what do you have to do to engender the disrespect of these ‘public servants’? (Oh, right, tell the truth.) Utah’s ‘Mr. Republican’ Orrin Hatch, another blazing nutball with a hard nougat center of Petrified Kook, publicly ejaculated without shame that Ted was “one of the greatest men I ever met,” while his colleague from the Planet Strange, Sen. Jim Bunning, GOP marital aid of the KY-Jelly state, spread it on less grammatically: “If only you knew the Ted Stevens like I knew.” Democrat-turned-Wolfman Norm Coleman, verging on a well-deserved term limitation up in Minnesota, bayed to Ted’s moon-that-don’t-shine, “Those of us who know him also see the love that’s in his heart, reflected in love of country, love of family…” unnatural love of sheep. Even I-da-ho Spud Stud Larry Craig felt moved to knock three times on Stevens’ pipe with his own spit polish, so to speak.
Jebas, what if Uncle Ted had shot a man in Memphis just to watch him die? Would the Senate just rise as one to elect him King – or maybe Pope?
It’s too bad that AG Michael Mukasey collapsed suddenly during a speech Thursday night, but what the Big Media didn’t remark on was who Mukasey was speechifying to – the frickin’ Federalist Society, home base for the Unitary Executive malarkey that the departing Little King has used to justify dodging the Constitution. Sure, BushCo is on its way out the door, but you might think that the BM would be a little discomfited at the idea that the Attorney General, dressed up in a tux, was addressing a meeting of a group that basically believes in an American monarchy, much like democracy-distrusting icon Alexander Hamilton, who once encouraged George Washington to declare himself King of the United States. [Take a gander at FedSoc’s founders and current members: Ed ‘The Grand Inquisitor’ Meese, Robert ‘Nixonite’ Bork, Ted ‘Florida Recount’ Olson, John ‘Bob’s Dad’ Roberts, Tony ‘Bush v. Gore’ Scalia and Sam ‘The Sham’ Alito.) For a rough political equivalent, imagine the hew and cry if Obama’s new AG Eric Holder passed out while speaking to the Socialist Worker’s Party — think the venue would go unnoticed by the still-unjailed Press Gang at Newsweek and Time?
She Stoops to (be) Flounder: Remember those stories about a young Danny Quayle seeing the Robert Redford film, “The Candidate” and thinking it was a primer for a career in politics? Now it seems the Alaska Hockey Momster has aimed even lower; she’s apparently using Tim Robbins’ satirical flick, “Bob Roberts” as a roadmap for political success. For more cinematic inspiration to further Sarah’s future in government service, may ‘oui’ suggest “Amazon Women on the Moon,” “Idiocracy,” “The Aristocrats,” “Weird Science,” “Ernest Goes to Jail,” and “Linda Lovelace for President”?
And finally, the Vatican has forgiven John Lennon – imagine that? (Hint: it has to do with something he said in 1966.) I wonder if they’ve caught up with the news that he was murdered in 1980? (Lennon’s lucky; it took the Pope about 400 years to forgive Galileo for finding out the earth is round and circles the sun.)
(Quotes re Stevens from “We Salute You, Ted Stevens!” by Benjamin Sarlin, The Daily Beast, Nov. 20, 2008.)
Post a comment...Sarah Palin – The Trainwreck You HAVE to watch
by DJ Allyn on Fri, Nov 21, 2008
It is human nature to stop and watch someone make a complete fool out of themselves. No matter HOW much we tell ourselves we aren’t going to look, we still do.
Sarah Palin is one such person — and she just can’t seem to understand that the more she puts herself out on front street in the media, the more foolish she looks.
Here we have the Governor doing a media and photo op on the annual turkey pardoning, and uses the slaughtering of turkeys as a background.
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Inspection- No Need to Go on “Auto”
by Ken Carman on Fri, Nov 21, 2008
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Until this edition of Inspection I really haven’t been able to comment about the hat in hand automakers. My mind, 45 years later, is still filled with shadows of Studebaker Packard’s three year slide into total belly up as a marquee as probably one of the most innovative automakers ever in the industry. I hate to see any of them go: especially since I am the proud owner of a 07, full convertible, Jeep Ultimate.
Hey, ever since my beloved VW Thing… may it rest in rustbelt pieces… my heart has gone through a total convertible restructuring. This is the first open air car I’ve owned since I sadly sold a MG Midget in the mid-90s. {Having a wife who has been developing a void in that same organ regarding rag tops hasn’t helped. “You mean you don’t want cold wind blowing your office papers and skirt in the air? What’s… up… with that?”) Oh, what a dream Mister Magoo was to drive when I wasn’t standing on my carport, or on a some desolate/suicidally busy road shoulder cursing the heavens by saying, “British engineering.” I know. I should go wash my keyboard off with soap for typing something worse than dropping the F-bomb. (Let’s pause to sing, “F-bombs away, my friends, F-bombs away…”)
I am proud we have our own auto industry, despite the fact I’m not all that fond of Chrysler, Ford or GM… in descending order of fondness. Still; especially with all those workers, I feel like I’m letting go of a dearly departed spouse, or reading some auto-based version of a book that was a cliche’ damn near before it was published: Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Setting something free means it will rarely if ever come back. And do remember that any girlfriend who lamely tries to convince you of such is the one holding the shotgun ready to point at your clay pigeon heart. Pull!
But let them go I feel we must, and find new suitors. Their record: their abuse of our trust to really compete and look forward, isn’t all that good. If we save them now we’ll be right back here later: like that abused spousette to the spouse always willing to beat up your heart and your wallet after going on yet another Hummer binge.
Then we have a little bad history between us…
After Chrysler was bailed out we were rewarded with the K car… (oh, boy!) …and they stumbled through the years right back to where we started from, do, dah, do, dah. They even rewarded us by going foreign, only to have their new owners: Stude’s former in house export, kick them to the curb… abandoned like an unwanted puppy. Being sold for significantly less than when bought years earlier is never a good sign.
Here’s what I suggest. Approach Nissan, Honda, Toyota and some of the other imports. Bring reps from the Big Three in on it too: include labor. Instead of dumping more money down this toilet, offer the Big Three all kinds of incentives to sell their companies to the government. No: the government won’t run them: that would be really, really stupid. Can you think of a government run auto that didn’t mimic the odor of skunk spray?
At the same meeting offer the other companies the assets and car/Jeep/truck lines if they make these new U.S.-only operations as U.S. as much U.S.-source content as possible. We have been doing this already and it has been working.
Give them one hell of a sweetheart of a deal to do so; but only if they hold on to as much of the labor that the Big Three had to begin with as possible. Servicing and providing parts for the old Big Three cars mandatory.
Most of these companies have proven; year after year, they know how to build, run a business, market and look forward to the future. The Big Three have proven the opposite.
Of course I doubt any pol would ever have the foresight and the huge pair of… to do this.
Would the companies accept the deal? Maybe not all… but if you tie it into access to US markets, or not… bigger tariffs… or not… and an easy out for The Big Three, yes I believe they would. I’m sure my concept isn’t perfect, though this would be the first time one of my ideas wasn’t… chuckle… so I’m sure it would mean more than a little tweaking.
They’d better do something more than what has been suggested. Otherwise we’ll be right back here doing this again sooner rather than later. There’s no doubt the economic hill gets quite steep and I suspect it will be quite a while before we even begin to see the bottom of the hill. Just dumping money into any of this now the wrong way would be like adding oil to an engine without putting the plug back in. It’s too late to take back yet again another government giveaway to the Cadillac, welfare queens and queens in the financial industry. We still have time to make sure the engine that drives the auto industry will run well into the future….
But we need to make as damn sure as possible that oil pan gets plugged first.
-30-
Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
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by RS Janes on Sun, Nov 30, 2008
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