LT Saloon

Crawling down the steep hill towards Cincinnati you will stop. . . go. . . stop. . . go. . . That’s because they’re always working on these interstates. Maiden Millie and Ye Old Scribe have passed through this tri-state area (Indiana, if you must ask what the third state is.) for over 21 years. Cinci doesn’t have interstates. They have very dangerous slow-states.

So you’ll have plenty of time, once you reach the bottom of the hill, to shed a tear for the big yellow ex-brewery (twice over; once many moons ago before BrewWorks, it was a local Budweiser wanna-be as many breweries were back then.) It’s on your right, eastern, side. Scribe believes it has been repainted. Maiden Millie says it might be orchid now.

The sign will read “Jillian’s.”

(Note: Jillians in Covington is gone now too and the complex is for sale. Is this building cursed?- Prof. GA)

It used to read “BrewWorks.”

Let’s reverse the tape. Let’s hop in Well’s proverbial time machine and go back to this particular place and time.

But first, what was BrewWorks? BrewWorks was a multi-floored extravaganza with two full service bars. One was dedicated to “Beer Geeks!” (Don’t hit Ye Olde Scribe; that’s what THEY called it.) Another had an eye bugging out selection of 21 BrewWorks ales and even a 40-tap microbar. They had a full service BOP. (Brew on the premises.) They had a large comfy lounge chair filled cigar or pipe study that would make Sherlock Holmes feel right at home. It just needed a real large fireplace and collies to curl up at your feet.

Damn the health codes! Full speed ahead!

Oh well . . .

They even had an adjacent complex: “Party Source.” It had the largest selection of bottled beers in the universe.

No, they didn’t over build.

No, the food didn’t rot like not so freshly crushed armadillo in mid-day Texas summer sun, except towards the brutal end and therein lies our story. . .

Introducing Tim Rastettler, now brewing at Liberty Street in Akron, OH. (And now at Thirsty Dog in Akron, OH.-Prof. GA) Tim was the SOUL brewer at BrewWorks, not just the “sole” brewer. Tim, about 5’8”, graying hair, lightly frosted with silver, is a straightforward type of guy. He’s so dedicated to good product, after BrewWorks kacked, he started a line cleaning service because he found the scum clogging Ohio’s brew veins disgusting. He lives in Kentucky but commutes to Akron, OH. Ye Olde scribe commutes long distances but 400 miles a pop? Ach du meine gute! That’s a polite German way of saying . . . never mind!

“I left Liberty for what I thought was the brewing opportunity of a lifetime.”

They really missed him. A former owner sued Tim for the recipes. Talk about a “goodbye kiss of death!”

The owner of the future BrewWorks said, “You have free reign; design the best brewpub in the country: funds unlimited.”

Mr. Rogers says, “Boys and girls can you say, ‘pressure?’ ”The owner also said, “Brew the best ale in the country and prove it or you’ll be gone.” Mr. Rogers says again…

To compete with Tim the owner opened a 40-tap microbar… and then closed it. You see Tim’s ales outsold the micro’s 80%! Then they made him brew more. Isn’t this how they treated those who built the pyramids before they locked them inside forever?

This kind of pressure sphinx.

It’s just not phar-oah.

Sorry . . .

But Tim danced to this particular Tom Lehrer’s “tango” quite well. He brewed more than what was asked. All this with 3 dedicated mash tuns and a kettle whirlpool combo.

The quality of these ales, Maiden Millie can certainly attest to (sometimes detest, she was not as much a hop fan as Ye Olde Scribe was and still is, but tis growing on her . . . wish Scribe could pick one right . . . never mind.) Gravities so thick and chewy you would swear they were brewed on another denser planet. IBU’s were well over 100+. If he tasted these hop heavy ales, even a “Hop God” might hop so high he would miss the heavens and splatter Pluto. Even Ye Old Scribe had to cut it on a rare occasion. Scribe distinctly remember a delightful “Mephistopheles” and “Son of Mephistopheles” series. Tim brewed an Ice bock rumored at well over 30% alcohol. There is some controversy about the percentage. Several people who Ye Olde Scribe talked to differed with Tim. One professional brewer probably sums up the various comments best, “Yes, it WAS very high but it didn’t taste like it was ‘well over 30%,’ but it was at least 28… and it didn’t taste like motor oil.” Tim’s stated goal as per one newspaper of the time was “30% and not tasting like motor oil.” (Take that Mr. Adams!) Tim said to Ye Olde Scribe, “It was actually 42%, SP: 1.400, Final: 1.100 and they made me dump $50,000 worth of it when they closed.” What did they do to Mel Gibson at the end of “Braveheart?” “Nice slow pastrami thin slices please Mr. Marquis. . .”

His one suggestion for homebrewers? “Take a recipe change only one thing and reassess. Too many brewers change recipes too fast. . . too erratically.”

So what killed BrewWorks?

Note: Ye Olde Scribe promised not to be too specific. So you will have to infer what Scribe means. However, Scribe must do this, not to protect the innocent, but to keep the guilty from filing lawsuits and further bruising those already hurt by the death of BrewWorks.

(Scribe got rather unspecific here for legal reasons, but the Professor filled in some of the meaning. Any mistakes are the fault of neither Mr. Rastetter nor Scribe. Blame moi’. -Prof. GA.)

So again, what killed BrewWorks? Trivia: Do you know what the scarecrow asked the wizard for? This scarecrow couldn’t have asked the wizard for his brain… for the wizard-owner of Oz may have been pre- lobotomized.

Another example of a similar case that may clarify what Scribe’s trying to relate…

Ye Olde Scribe is proud to say he played morning music at a Music Row (Nashville) restaurant for 3 years. That’s because the lady who owned this establishment took great pride in publicly humiliating and/or firing her employees. Every week she came in and at least one employee was the assigned target. She lost at least one employee every week. Ye Olde Scribe saw 20-30 total changeovers in staff over 3 years. This lady went from owning a restaurant with a dedicated staff to a staff Satan would lock the gates of hell to avoid.

Can you imagine working for someone like that? Scribe can; as can Mr. Rastetter… of this Scribe is sure.

Anheuser and Miller are big enough to manage a few captains from Hades or maybe even a CEO from Hell. Large but still pipsqueak in comparison, competitors like brewpubs aren’t that big. They can’t survive such nonsense.

Now BrewWorks sits looking more like the silenced villain from “Scream” than “Jillian’s,” to those who love good ale.

What can homebrewers learn from this? Yes, you can be too experimental, as Tim suggested. BrewWorks customers lined up around the block to taste Tim’s very radical, experimental and push the limits style of brewing. People will enjoy your brewing more if you treat it as the adventure it is and not simply an effort to fit some stylistic guidelines. Yes, such advice is helpful and if you wish to follow guidelines as an adventure please do. Don’t let them rule you or your brewing.

But constant changes and shifts can also keep you from excellence in brewing. Whether you are a homebrewer, or the owner of a restaurant where beer is brewed, if you want good product then it’s all about the beer and the brewer… not a rather strange need to keep things shaken and stirred.

______________________________________
Hop-ing Around was a column written by Ye Olde Scribe and Maiden Millie that was published in The Score, a publication of The Music City Brewers and, occasionally, Beer at the Porch, from about 1998 until about 2005.

Say goodbye to most church leaders and members, preachers, priests, religious commentators, moralists, pundits, media types and politicians. HEY! Maybe we WOULD be better off!

Rateme.com had it at 9.6%, Beer Advocate at 9.00% ABV. I never found an IBU rating on this, but I’m guessing it’s not as high as one would expect: high alpha hops that impart such a bitterness rather than hop flavor and complexity were probably used. Since anything I’ve had over 100 the hops take command and it is less “sweet,” malt-wise… maybe 70-80 at best? Just a guess.

“Double IPA” may be the moniker, but there comes a time when there’s so much going on here malt-wise vs. hopping it’s really a barleywine. Yes, it’s highly hopped; but I’ve had barleywines that are highly hopped. This one is so one-dimensionally high that it just mostly bitter; and not as much nose as one would expect… and both are a problem. I would love for the hops to have more complexity, but if you’re going to drive the abv this high there’s a lot you need to do to make it so complex hop-wise that it’s an actual double IPA.

Pours mostly clear and yellow. Malt high, yet a bit too sweet. That, and bitter-only hops, wiped most distinctive flavors the malt might have had.

I love DIPAs, but they have become somewhat of a bogus sub-category in my opinion in most cases amongst many commercial examples; since by the time they get the body so high that it supports the sometimes insanely high IBUs, they often get into barleywine territory when the hops become more just “put in more to bitter,” rather than adding hop complexity. To me a DIPA; no matter what the abv., should have enough hop complexity to make it distinctive from a barleywine, and I don’t just mean “bitter” like Twin Sisters

Despite these criticisms, let it not be claimed I didn’t enjoy it. I just wonder what sets this aside from other insanely high-hopped barleywines. Maybe Left Hand just needs to work on the complexity of the hopping some more?

Whatever you do, don’t guzzle. This is a beverage that demands respect.

I first found the products from this micro in the early 90s. I was quite impressed. Over the years I became less impressed. I was told by several pro-brewers in Ohio that they started out with a bang but the owner seemed to become somewhat disinterested and even vended out for a while. All of this I can’t verify. I never even had a chance to visit the tasting room. I hadn’t known they had closed when I tried in 1998 and… well, no matter how hard I banged on the door no one opened it. Gee, I wonder why.

The bottle I have before me is Left Bridge Brewing Company Extra Special Bitter. (It’s on its side because for some reason the software won’t store it flipped upright.) I know I had some of their other offerings. I seem to remember that the body was a little heavier than your typical ESB and the hops just a little higher. It was also a bit out of balance with the body commanding the hops a bit too much.

It was still well brewed and a pleasure to drink.

There is a Lift Bridge Brewery in Stillwater, Minnesota, but I have no idea if it’s related. I doubt it. I haven’t tried anything from that brewery.

We here at the old “Every Tragedy is an Excuse to Fleece Corp,” now restructured after bankruptcy and then renamed, “Corpse Co.,” our motto is, “HEY! At least our management decisions aren’t as bad as GM.” That’s because we know a business opportunity when our highly trained new idea vulture-scouts smell one…

Now, when a member of your flock sins you can point to “John,” or whatever name you wish to choose since no one knows who these corpses were and say, “We need to follow the lead of Brother John! Brother John would never do this!”

No need in preparing more communal Kool-Aid. It’s like fish and loaves in reverse! The more Johns you have the less grape juice/wine/cocaine-laced whiskey and bread morphed into blood and body parts you have to feed the flock. (This is not referring to any of the other kind of “Johns” you may have… no matter HOW young they may be… FATHER.)

And after you’ve killed a few ATF agents who were trying to get you to comply with an order, HEY! …our inventory makes great bullet shields from which you can shoot back at them. Now you get to kill a few more.

Just call 1-800-BUYASTINKINCORPSERIDDENFUNERALHOME. (Never you mind there are too many letters there for a real number. Have faith! Have plenty of cash, or a pre-loaded debit card!) And if our brain dead CEO happens to be corpsing…. uh, “manning…” the phone, leave a message!

To recent customers: did your home come with inventory a little too “fresh” and pre-embalm? Clip the coupon soon to be printed at the bottom of this page for our 1/2 off sale: 1/2 off inventory where you found half of all their limbs were pre-removed… (No, does not apply to any trees on the property.) …and mail it in for a rebate…

DEAD LETTER OFFICE
666 Extreme Christian Way
Waco, TX 76704

…and hold then your breath. We always need more inventory for our huge customer base which includes people who buy most TV diet pills, believe the moon loading was faked and that the Earth is flat: the center of the solar system, those who believe that professional wrestling is real or that those tubes and trailers really were used for “nuk-u-lar” processing, think that Biggus Dickus EVER tells the truth… and that there is still a massive amount of WMD waiting to be found in Iraq.

Another example of just how screwed up both the news is these days… and national dialogue. Coincidence that they’re both screwed up at the same time? Probably not.

OK, let’s skip the fact that she’s not supposed to talk about exactly what was said during such meetings. That’s a violation of national security. In fact Dick Cheney has been talking about such things and he either needs to admit he’s lying, or as only a citizen these days give himself up to authorities and admit his guilt: trafficking in classified national security information as a means to save his own ass.

Let’s also skip the fact that unless she recorded such sessions; a highly unlikely prospect since it would mean she too might wind up in prison even if recording them had been allowed… which is doubtful… once again for violating national security. And unless she has such recordings we would still have what we have now: he said/they said; which proves nothing.

Anyone else notice the spider trap Cons are trying to spring here? If she doesn’t try to prove the impossible then they can blather on and on that she hasn’t proven the unprovable. If she tries to prove it then they’ve brought her down, something I wouldn’t boohoo about… but that’s another matter.

Once again: how is she to prove her case?

She can’t. It’s simple logic. You cannot disprove, or prove, a negative.

Let’s get away from Nancy for a while, which makes me happy. I’m no fan; for she has all the toughness of Cream of Wheat with too much water added. She flips faster than dice at a busy Las Vegas casino.

Let’s use other means to make my point…

There is no God?

Prove it.

There is no life on planet earth, it’s all an illusion.

Go ahead: disprove it. All I have to keep saying is, “That’s part of the illusion.”

Would I be proving my point? No, I’d be acting like a moron. But that’s not my point.

This is why conspiracy theories; even the most absurd, can go on and on. The trips to the moon never happened; all staged? I can’t prove the negative is true, but if you attempt to disprove my negative I can spin all kinds of possible scenarios out to supposedly knock down your proof… from mass illusions, to fake broadcasts, to mind control on a massive scale…

I’m not claiming such arguments would be rational.

All I’ve offered above is the easy stuff. Given all the convoluted reasoning those who would claim such things would have to go through, and all the rocks, the images, the people who participated… we can be 99.999999999999% certain: yes, there we did visit the moon.

We don’t have any of that with Ms. Pelosi. Because she can’t talk about it and even if there were evidence I’m sure revealing it would be verboten. Now, if the CIA and their defenders: you know, the same people who blamed the CIA for bad intel before Iraq, want to produce specific evidence like recording and un-blanked out/unedited manuscripts that can be vouched for by independent sources… or certain Democratic sources (in other words sources without a political reason to bring down Ms. Pelosi) …then maybe I’ll buy their story.

But I friggin guarantee: that ain’t going to happen. Here’s why…

So far all I’ve heard is a vague: “they were told about enhanced interrogation.” To actually come anywhere near proving their point we would need to know not only exactly when, but what exactly methods they were told about… and not told about… and if she was only told, “might be used,” “will be,” or “has been.” Oh, and we would need those transcripts or recordings verified by an untainted source.

Good luck.

Otherwise we should assume the obvious. This is nothing more than another cheap attempt at “gotcha.” And this latest ploy is no more substantial than yellow cake, tubes, Curveball and all this grand “proof” that magically was shoved up the nation’s nose when Cheney started regular visits to the CIA.

Considering that, I prefer to believe Nancy Pelosi no matter what I think of her.

After all the bad intel and the vague “we told hers,” I think we may need to start considering if the CIA has been so corrupted, so destroyed by the past eight years… maybe the CIA, as it exists now, needs to be history.

-30-

Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.

© Copyright 2009
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
All Rights Reserved